40 weeks pregnant full term

Due Dates

Forty weeks is  full term.

Forty weeks is 10 months.

Forty weeks is a long time to be pregnant.

I’m 40 weeks today.

According to fancy pregnancy math, today was my due date. Little one didn’t show up today — perhaps because my due date was pushed back two days at my 20-week anatomy scan — or perhaps because half of all pregnancies run long.


After Week 39, I am ready not to be pregnant. Not that I want to rush him, but I wouldn’t be too made if he showed up before Monday. I don’t feel good. Five days of cramps, nausea, discomfort, sleeplessness and random pains… I’ve been sitting against an ice pack until it’s not cold anymore. Plus, I’m fighting a terrible head cold — or just the major mucus bomb that is my body prepping for labor and delivery.

Sorry, it’s a thing.

Luckily, my doctor doesn’t want me to be pregnant too long after my due date either. It’s not safe for the baby. Now, my baby has a scheduled birthday if he doesn’t show up on his previously assigned birthday via induction. (That’s due date No. 3.)


Who’s excited?

Yay. Me.

I’m not terribly excited about being induced even if I am super excited not to be pregnant. Induction might not work, but I’ll have to have the baby after starting the whole process so… a C-section might happen.

I don’t want a C-section.

Here’s my birth plan: I don’t want a C-section. Everything else is fair game.

I’m going to stay positive though. He’s either going to come on his own (on Monday) or induction will work, and I will not have to have a C-section.

To encourage his arrival, I’ve been thinking baby thoughts and nesting and telling him aaaaalll about it.

newborn clothing hand-me-downs
Newborn clothes are stupid cute.


His room is pretty much done. I haven’t hung the shelves, and I’m probably not going to hang the shelves before he gets here. He’ll be fine without shelves for a while.


I’ve got diaper and breastfeeding snack stations in the living room, nursery and next to my bed. Granola bars, nuts and trail mix to munch and bottles of water and boxes of juice to keep me hydrated. Diapers, wipes and burp cloths for him.

freezer meal prep ingredients

crockpot freezer meals

I also prepared 13 crockpot meals to consume during my maternity leave so I can spend all my time with him — not worrying about feeding myself and my husband.

And we installed the forsaken car seat.


hospital bags packed
My hospital bags are packed, too.

I’m a planner, folks.

But my little one doesn’t seem to care that I’ve made a lovely home for him. He seems pretty content to enjoy the first home I made for him. (Seriously, every time he moves, it feels like he’s just getting more comfy. Like snuggling in.)

It’s like he doesn’t know how many adorable onesies are in his drawers or how many tiny diapers are spread throughout my house or how many times I packed and repacked his hospital bag.

I’ve been telling him.

He’s not listening.


Three due dates for one baby. I’ll let everyone know when he gets here.


Pregnancy symptoms by trimester

I am 39 weeks today, and my due date is just nine days away. I’ve already had a serious conversation with the baby — making sure he knows that he’s supposed to come out in nine days — not before, not after. Nine days.

Considering he speaks no language and understands nothing, I’m not sure how effective our conversation was…

My doctor told me that — if the baby didn’t show up in nine days — we would discuss eviction notices. He’s not allowed to stay in there for too much longer than 41 weeks. Too long and the risk to the fetus outside of the womb increases.

So I continue to let him know that he has nine more days of cushy womb life before he has to come out and join the rest of us.

When he does come out, I’ve been told I am going to forget about all the awful symptoms I suffered during his time in gestation — so I’m going to tell you about it now. (I need a written record of how much I don’t like being pregnant so as not to suffer it again.)

trimesters of pregnancy


“Sick and tired” is an accurate description for the first trimester of pregnancy. The most unfortunate feeling I’ve experienced is being nauseous without the ability to cure myself of said nausea — meaning vomiting didn’t make it go away.

Holding my breath, cursing the baby, TUMS… Nothing made it go away. Just coooonstant nausea and dizziness. Occasional vertigo.

Super fun.

I was nauseous for months, and then, suddenly, it went away. I was one of the lucky ones. Some women suffer from nausea and vomiting of pregnancy for the entire pregnancy.

I don’t wish that on my enemies.

I only had reprieve from the epic nausea when I was asleep… and, y’all, I could sleep.

Baby building is hard work, especially in the first trimester. You’d think because you’re still small that you still have tons of energy to… you know… exercise, do the things you’re supposed to do to keep yourself and your fetus healthy, move, breathe, exist.

But, no.

You don’t.

busy being pregnant ecard

Any and all energy diverts to building baby parts, and you don’t have much energy to spare because you can’t eat anything — it’s all gross — or you just throw it up.


Speaking of eating… there’s a long list of stuff you’re no longer allowed to consume, and that list is not limited to coffee and alcohol. Oh, no.

Deli meat.

Hot dogs.

Certain cheeses.

Under-cooked eggs.

Not-all-the-way cooked meat, such as cow or venison steaks.

I’ve never wanted red meat or a cold sandwich more in my life than when I was told I couldn’t have them.

Add to the list you’re not allowed to eat the foods you simply no longer can eat. For me, that list included: leafy greens, especially spinach — hork; salmon, and all fish for a little while; chicken on the bone; eggs; mushy food, such as yogurt; and any food with a strong smell.

Guess what I could eat…


ALL the sugar.

I wanted ice cream, cookies, donuts (more than I usually did), chocolate, candy… the list of sweets I suddenly wanted goes on and on and on.

I had no idea cravings and aversions would be so intense.

The first trimester of pregnancy, in my opinion, ranks as the worst trimester in whole. (However, the final weeks of pregnancy rank as the worst time ever. Again, my opinion.)


Many of my first trimester symptoms disappeared in the second trimester. I was no longer (always) nauseous; my food aversions lessened — though I still can’t eat salmon; and I got some energy back.

Instead, a brand new fleet of symptoms attacked — the worst of which was whatever the hell my hormones were doing.

Other than wreaking havoc on your body, pregnancy also does a great deal of damage to your mental and emotional well-being.

cried at work today ecard

I do not know how to explain the brand new feelings I got, but, oh boy! Were they a trip.

Sadness about nothing, epic pregnancy rage, hyperactive happiness — and that was just my morning.

Add to that fun-filled emotional roller coaster the fact that my brain broke. I couldn’t remember anything, especially if you just told it me. I didn’t get jokes anymore. I couldn’t tell the difference between “just kidding” and “take this as fact.”

I got dumb.

Mental and emotional recovery, I hear, happens after the baby is born. Long after the baby is born.

Lucky for me, my brain function returned — for the most part — and my mood swings have swung out a bit. (No promises for that to continue into what they call the “fourth trimester.”)

Physically, the second trimester was less mean to me than the first trimester, but something new and awful did strike.

pregnancy heartburn ecard

I love spicy food. My love of spicy food did not change when I got pregnant. I still really love spicy food. The more burn-y the better!

But spicy food did not love me in the second trimester. (It still doesn’t love me.)

I did not know heartburn before pregnancy. I also did not know there was a limit to how many TUMS you could take in day… I’d never reached it before. The feeling is indescribable. “Burn” isn’t the right word because it’s not a strong enough word. “Raging inferno from hell” is a more accurate description — just centrally located and radiating out from the chest into my throat, lungs, stomach and all the other organs my sweet child forced into my rib cage.

organs moving into rib cage during pregnancy

Have you seen what a growing fetus does to the internal organs of its host? You should. (The baby also causes a great deal of nerve pain in some women. Some women including me.)

The heartburn was so bad it would keep me up at night and wake me up in the middle of the night, but that wasn’t the only thing interrupting my sleep.

Pregnancy insomnia struck aggressively in the second trimester and has not let up since its onset — life’s cruel way of preparing women to function on very little sleep, I suppose.

Shockingly, while I still don’t function super great without sleep (and without nearly as much coffee as I used to get — two cups compared to… like… eight), this symptom hasn’t affected me nearly as horribly as all the other ones.

It’s one thing that I’ll actually need when my son is born — the ability to exist without sleep.

If you were curious, that’s an actual super power.


The first weeks of the third trimester are largely the same as the second trimester. It doesn’t get truly awful until about the last month and a half — and it is truly awful.


Everything does hurt, and I feel like I’m dying.

First trimester symptoms have returned — food aversions, nausea and cravings along with the constant need to pee. Back pain has intensified to levels that cannot be corrected by physical therapy exercises — mostly because I can’t get up and down from the floor anymore. Sleep deprivation is at its highest level with my waking up every two hours — on. the. dot. — to pee or drink water or to adjust my body because it feels like its in a vice grip. Oh, and the swelling.

I have giant hippo foot.

Foot. Not feet. Just one of them looks absolutely ridiculous, but I’ve begun to puff up in my face and upper body, too, so yay.

Snoring is new this trimester, which doesn’t so much affect me as it does my poor husband. I can snore through extra strength nasal strips designed to hold the entire nasal cavity open. (These things are the size of my nose and do nothing.)

My abdominal wall is useless. I have to roll and heave and pull myself out of bed, cars, chairs, etc. I’m sure it’s just my enlarged uterus holding the rest of my organs in my body at this point because abs… no. My cousin said she sat down one day and couldn’t get back up.

That’s how it feels to lose the ability to use your core muscles.

Oh, and I’m constantly out of breath from movements as simple as shifting.

No wonder women inhale spicy food, walk as much as they can (despite the size of their bellies and water-retaining ankles) and drink special teas in attempt to induce labor naturally… early.

pregnancy takes forever

Desperate times call for desperate measures, but even though I feel like I’ve been pregnant for three years, I’m not ready for him to come out.

Taking care of a fetus is way easier than taking care of a newborn — forced sobriety and all. Baby kicks are a comforting reminder that he’s healthy, and I get to carry him around with me all day feeling his baby kicks, rolls and wiggles. I know when he’s sleeping, when he’s awake, when he has the hiccups… When he’s born, I’ll get to see him, but I have to watch him to know when he’s sleeping, when he’s awake, when he has the hiccups. I won’t be able to feel him anymore — and I think that’s going to be so much weirder than when I first felt him move.

All that being said… pregnancy is still pretty awful on the body and the mind, and I’d still like it to be over soon.

Nine days, to be exact.

38 weeks pregnant

A new year with two weeks to go

Happy New Year.

I need a nap.

My husband and I accidentally stayed up until midnight New Year’s Eve. We were watching the director’s cut of Kingdom of Heaven — good movie — and sorting, washing and folding/hanging baby clothes from my sister-in-law.

And then, suddenly, fireworks!

We’re super exciting, folks.

Side Note: My kid has clothes for daaaaaaaaays. Some of the outfits have been through five or six boys; most have been through four (his cousins). I found a “Cool like my Auntie” shirt that no longer applies to me. Ha! I do not anticipate needing additional clothing items until he’s about nine months old… depending on how big he is and how fast he grows.

Staying up late Saturday is not the only reason I need a nap. The holidays have been busy. Family, family, family… work, work, work… nesting, nesting, nesting. And, oh boy, am I nesting.

Annoyingly nesting…

I want everything to be clean, including things I can’t reach or actually clean… like my wet basement — it’s always going to be a wet basement.

I want everything to be organized, including things I’ve already organized… like the baby’s dresser and the baby’s closet and the baby’s everything. I’ve reorganized those things too many times to count, and they’ll never look as nice as they do right now again.

Most of all, I want the nursery to be complete, and, thankfully, we’re nearly there.

baby changing table
Do you see the adorable stuffed animal my mother-in-law got us? It’s a German Shepherd puppy giving kisses to a little yellow tabby kitten!
german shepherd dog and cat
Ivan and Zuzu!

My coworkers threw me a baby shower in October, and they created a beautiful wreath decoration I tried to recreate. In opposition to my Pinterest account, I am not very crafty :\ I’ll have to go back to Michael’s…

nursery wreath
Brown or birch? I can’t decide.
nursery dresser and closet
This dresser will be the death of me…

I still have shelves and picture frames to hang above the dresser, and I have to find something to put the humidifier on top of because IN CONTRAST TO THE PICTURE ON THE BOX IT CAME IN, it can’t go on the floor.


But there are four full drawers of baby clothes in that dresser — organized by size — newborn to three months, three to six months and six or more months. The last drawer is just full of sleepers. With lots and lots of snaps. We’ve got a full closet, too, containing baby clothes I’ve decided are impossible to fold. (Note: All baby clothes are impossible to fold.)

baby clothes hanging in a closet
Do you see the black and yellow Shocker sweatshirt leading the line? It’s got matching pants! He will wear it always and often.

My greatest success? Curtains.

crib and rocking chair in nursery
I went through three different sets of curtains before finding ones I liked.

After two sets of failed attempts at getting curtains to go in this room… I found these pretty white ones from Target. (Not really blackout, though, nice try.) They’ve got a nearly woodland look with a soft twig pattern.



Except for the length…

At 96 inches, these did not fit in the previously allotted space between curtain rod and floor.

Eh, oops.

Luckily, my loving husband handled my near meltdown — I’m pregnant, it’s a thing — with finesse and rehung the curtain rod eight inches higher.

Looking at those compared to curtains in other rooms, I think I prefer the higher rod.

However, any other re-hanging of rods and buying of new curtains will have to wait until the baby gets here… a while after the baby gets here.

Because, after all this, I need a nap.

Christmas Coffee by Reverie Coffee Roasters Wichita KS

No Christmas baby

My little one doesn’t look like he’s planning to show up early — Thank goodness!

What is it about the holiday season (and having less than three weeks before the baby joins us) that makes me feel so far behind?

Christmas presents for the family

All the family gifts are wrapped, but I still have so much to do.

  • Install. The. Forsaken. Car seat.
  • Schedule a house cleaning
  • Hang shelves and artwork in the nursery — it’s almost done!
  • Fix the upstairs shower
  • Prep freezer meals and smoothies
  • …I’m sure there’s more

Since we had a warm but gloomy, rainy, windy, potentially tornado-y Christmas in Kansas, I stayed in and got to cross one of these these to-do’s off my list.

Prepping freezer meals and smoothies for non-fast food fast.

I braved the grocery store on Christmas Eve to pick up the ingredients for the 15 freezer meals I planned so the husband and I aren’t ordering takeout every night when we’re both too tired to remember how the oven works.

I say “braved” because it was absolute chaos. Nonsense-making chaos. I’m never doing it again.

I also went to Costco. I am bad at Costco. I can’t figure out how to make the price per carrot worth it to buy food I’ll never be able to eat before it goes bad…

I just want to buy less food.

freezer meal prep ingredients

Anyway, a separate blog will detail this adventure. I might never do this again, either… One ingredient not found killed one of my freezer meals; and another ingredient forgotten killed a second. Instead of 15, I only have 13.

Plus, I’ve never touched so much raw chicken in my life… hork.

And my feet are kiiiiiiiling me.

Like, they’re so mad.

Fingers crossed each of these freezer meals are edible. After meal prepping for seven hours today (including tonight’s dinner!), I do not care if they taste good.

I’ll care tomorrow.

When my feet don’t hurt.

If I did my math correctly, and if I don’t cook anything to go with any of these freezer meals (though I plan to), each serving costs approximately $2.60 — assuming each freezer meal yields four servings. I’m going to keep track of costs as best I can because I want to know if freezer meals are worth more than time.

To plan and prep these meals, I used a bunch of plans and recipes I found on Pinterest. Because Pinterest. Find them –>>

I hope you all had a Happy Christmas! We’re celebrating next week (pending fetus).

Ivan the German Shepherd with his Christmas toy
Ivan says “Happy Christmas!” (as he demolishes a stuffed animal, leaving its entrails all around my once clean house)


Motherhood, Christmas, 2017… Crap

If you attach the words “maternity,” “motherhood” or “nursing” to an article of clothing, such as a maternity shirt or a nursing tank top, then said article of clothing is automatically 50 percent more expensive.

I don’t have actual math of this, but I did spend $60 on four tank tops at Target that — were they not nursing tank tops — would have cost me half as much. Target has great deals on tank tops, unless the tank tops have two special clips for easy baby access. The same goes for nursing bras, which are — unfortunately — very necessary for, you know, nursing. I also bought a “sports” nursing bra — in which I will NEVER do vigorous exercise — that was ridiculously expensive. I might be able to do yoga in it. (It’s super comfy so I’m not too mad about it’s near uselessness.)

Motherhood. It’s a racket.

I have made it through the majority of my pregnancy without having to buy too many articles of maternity clothing thanks to the generous donations of friends and family. Four pairs of leggings, several T-shirts and sweaters. Plus, many of my clothes are drapey, long or stretchy enough to fit over top of my bump.

But I do have to buy after-pregnancy clothing because, apparently, I won’t fit into my super pregnant clothes or my regular, not pregnant clothes. Women still look and feel pretty pregnant sans fetus.


Bah! I’d rather spend money on Christmas!


I don’t know why I thought it’d be a good idea to have a baby this close to the holidays.

Sure, I have the pregnant lady super power of never being cold, even when it’s below freezing; and, sure, I don’t have to deal with the humid heat of the Kansas summer nine months pregnant.

But, seriously, Thanksgiving… Christmas… New Year’s… my anniversary… my due date… What. Was. I. Thinking.

I didn’t even decorate :(

I don’t think I will decorate, either. What happens if I go into labor before taking Christmas decorations down? Well, then it’s just Christmas in my house for… like… weeks.

The most Christmas decor I’ll get this year is a little white tree at work decked out in Starbucks ornaments (which is super cute).

Look at the tiny French press!

The baby’s room is almost done! That’s as good as Christmas decorations, right?

My husband and my father-in-law put together his crib Friday night, and I layered a quilted mattress pad, waterproof pad, crib sheet, another water proof pad and another crib sheet on this afternoon. If baby has a blowout in the middle of the night, I’ll just tear off a layer and put him back to bed. (I can’t find where I read this advice.)

I just need to install shelves and get command strips to hang wall art, and then we will be DONE, people!

I’m also prepping bedside diaper and snack stations for middle-of-the-night wake-up cries and nursing sessions. (I also can’t find where I read this advice.)


Baby’s hospital bag is packed; my hospital bag is packed; my pump is in a separate tote bag; and my husband still needs to pack his hospital bag.

That’s four hospital bags.

That’s too many bags.

I might have to consolidate…

There’s a lot of advice out there about what should and should not be taken to the hospital on D-Day. Check out my mama shae Pinterest board for all the advice I’ve been reading.

Forewarning, there’s boobs on it.

In my effort to de-clutter my house before giving birth, I did make the mistake of throwing away excess travel size shampoos and conditioners. So… now I have to get new ones.

I threw them all away… Years old containers. Still probably perfectly good.


We’re almost ready for the final countdown, folks. Baby in T minus four weeks.

Let’s do this.

35 weeks pregnant the final countdown

PT for pregnancy

I was putting clothes away in our dresser when my husband asked me: “Does your back hurt just all the time?”

From the profile view of my body, not only is my large pregnant belly sticking out in front a major feature — but so is the concave curve of my spine over-exaggerated when I lean.

Pregnancy is not kind on the back.

Around 28 weeks, I complained to my doctor about a pain in my butt and how much of a pain-in-the-butt it was to sit and stand, roll and flip. The only thing that didn’t hurt was walking. She sent me to Palmer Physical Therapy where I got checked out. I was told I had bad posture — not surprising — and that the pregnancy was putting new weight on a poorly cared for spine. Ouch. The weight put pressure on the sciatic nerve — that giant one in the spine, butt and legs — which caused all sorts of nasty pain.

Had I kept up with my weight-lifting workouts and yoga practice — like my doctor told me to — my back might have been strong enough to withstand the extra strain on my spine.

Beachbody Master's Hammer and Chisel workout program
Master’s Hammer and Chisel (because I’m going to get beefy!)

But I didn’t.

So it wasn’t.

Now, here we are.

Guess which exercises I’m allowed to do…


Guess which exercises I’m not allowed to do…


Why can’t I do yoga? Yoga sounds like a practice that should, in fairness, help with back pain. But forward bends, Downward Dog, sitting without support… the physical therapist said all these poses were just making the pinch in my spine worse. Even prenatal yoga is bad for my back.

No more yoga while the baby is in the belly.

It’s the suckiest thing ever :(

I went to Palmer’s four times in two weeks to get my spine checked. The left side was worse than the right side so all my PT exercises focused on fixing that pinch — using a towel roll under my left side while rotating my spine to the right, miniature back bends while standing, press ups (which are just going up and down in Cobra Pose).

homemade lumbar support towel roll
My homemade towel roll held together with twine.

I did a really good job doing the rotations three times a day and the back bends once an hour. My Fitbit goes off hourly to remind me. I also did a really good job remembering to ice my lower back three times a day — no lie, the ice pack was the best part. I even switched out chairs with a coworker so I could take the arms off and get as close as possible to my computer station as my belly would allow <– This is no longer possible.

The only thing I couldn’t do were the press ups because I can’t successfully lay on my stomach without the special pregnant lady pillow pad <– This thing is awesome.

I did a really good job.

…for about four weeks.

Then, well, waking up earlier in the morning to do my exercises was sacrificed for sleep, and getting up and down off the floor at work to do the rotations became really hard — I’m the size of a whale — and every time I try to do the standing back bends, I have to pee.

baby laundry
Pre-washed baby clothes successfully stored in his closet or just built dresser!

Plus, we’re so busy all weekend every weekend getting ready for the baby that taking care of myself is becoming less and less of a priority.

So backwards, right?

Now is the best time to be taking care of myself because, in five short weeks, I’ll be taking care of a newborn. (Did you see the cover photo? Five weeks, y’all. And, yes, that’s a cup of cereal sitting on my stomach like a TABLE. Follow me on Instagram for more.) He’s going to take up all sorts of attention! And my back? Well, it’s definitely going to suffer from neglect.

Once I recover from delivery, my goal is to get back in to yoga. Gentle, stretching yoga, with full support — that means sitting in a chair with my towel roll instead of on the floor — to alleviate tight muscles and start building up the strength in my spine.

High hopes I have for postpartum, huh? :)

I also renew my commitment to my PT exercises every day. You know, as soon as I have the crib built, the house cleaned and the Christmas decorations up. (What if he shows up around Christmas, and I don’t have a tree up? Or an ornament? Crap.)

The Internet, in its infinite knowledge, has a bunch of recommendations to relieve pregnancy pain, including sciatic nerve pain:

  • What to Expect has several recommendations (The only one I don’t really agree with is the “warm compress.” I was told to stay away from heat as it can worsen inflammation. Physical therapist’s orders!)
  • Diary of a Fit Mommy — a new favorite blog of mine — has information about kinesiology tape, which can be used for a number of annoying ailments
  • You can also take your chances with WebMD, but I’m not allowed to look at that site anymore because… well, we won’t get in to that…


34 weeks pregnant photo shoot

Thankful(ly) November (is over)

Why am I thankful November is over? The third trimester is pretty awful. I’d like it to be done soon.

His favorite thing to do is press on my bladder and kick me viciously in the right rib cage. Like really hard. He also spends a lot of his precious time in my right lung.


Super awesome.

The second-to-last-month of pregnancy is a lot like the second month of pregnancy. I’m starving. My food aversions are back (and so are my cravings). I’m exhausted. I have insomnia. I have to pee every seven minutes.

The only difference?

The size of the belly.

Second month of pregnancy belly is non-existent. Second-to-last-month of pregnancy belly is so. so. so. much larger.

29 weeks pregnant dress
This is 29 weeks of baby.

Four weeks later, we took maternity photos with the wonderful Kacy Meinecke.

33 weeks pregnant dress
This is 33 weeks of baby (and pampas grass, for kicks). 

Same dress from Halloween, but the ‘Mama Short’ Spanx underneath are working overtime. My belly button can no longer be contained, y’all.

I’m a nearly-done turkey so, for Thanksgiving, I didn’t have any. Instead, my husband and I munched Chex mix, ate apple crisp and decorated a Christmas tree with his parents.

christmas tree decorating

I am so excited for Christmas, you have no idea, but I can’t decorate until the baby’s things are in the baby’s room… instead of in my living room.

We have some made progress on the nursery this month, though.

prairie sage paint color
toy organization for baby
Toys hanging in the closet.
baby boy nursery
A changing table from my sister-in-law (stuffed full of the tiniest diapers I have ever seen) and a rocking chair handed down through my husband’s family where little one and I will spend some adorable snuggle time during which I may or may not be awake.

Half the nursery is complete.

His dresser is in pieces in the middle of his room. My husband is putting it together this weekend, and I’m prewashing all his clothes — in Dreft, of course — so that will get his clothes out of my living room…

We’re also installing car seat bases this weekend and loading up the strollers so they’re not in my living room any more…


His crib, also from my sister-in-law, is on its way — traveling in the trunk of a friend’s car. When it gets here, we’ll finish the nursery.

Fingers crossed we get all this done before he decides to enter the world!

The doctor asked me if the baby planned on joining the outside world this year or next. She thinks she’s funny.

Will I have a Christmas baby?

Will I have a New Year’s baby?

Who knows! I just hope he keeps cooking past our anniversary.