I hate the gym so I’ll just work out at home

I have a membership to the YMCA, which I found out about not too long ago. I guess I’ve always had one because Husband has one, but he never told me even though he swears he did, “I just wasn’t listening.”

I probably wasn’t, but I specifically remember telling him NOT to get me a gym membership because I hate the gym, and I will never go to the gym (until the day I met Ashley R., which we’ll get to later).

I hate gyms because I feel really weird working out when other people I didn’t know are also working out. I always have this feeling or this need to say, “Hey, nice bicep curl!” or ask them how my form is (because they’re at the gym, they know), which is totally weird and extremely awkward.

The point is that I have a membership to the YMCA, and I go to the YMCA to workout even though I hate it.

Because, when I became a graduate teaching assistant, I met (well, I had met her before in my undergrad) Ashley R. –a former track star who was in really good shape. If she were here, she would say, “Oh, shoot!” because she’s modest, which I think is cute.

(I AM NOT MODEST. You need to know that. I AM VERY PRUDE. You need to know that, too. They fit. It works. Shut up.)

Anyway, Ashley R. has a membership to the YMCA, too, and I want to “fix my fat” so I ask her to help me be skinny, and she’s like sure. A relationship is born! Now, we go to the YMCA all the time and workout in step classes and aerobics stuff and cardio-treadmills that suck worse than Peeps (I hate Peeps).

When you have a friendy-friend who also has a gym membership to that gym you never go to because you hate it, you start going to the gym! And it’s not weird to say, “Nice curls!” to your friend because she understands.

She hit me on the butt once, which I wasn’t expecting but didn’t care much about, and said, “Sorry, we did that in track!” And it’s okay.

Now, we have a pretty set schedule of doing things at the YMCA. Not that we always get to them because this whole grad school thing really gets in the way, but we try (most importantly, I try –she’s already awesome). So it’s yoga twice a week, Body Blitz once or twice a week, death-treadmills once a week (although she says we should do it more often) and some horrible step aerobics class I suck at.

(I am not coordinated enough for step aerobics. Husband said he would never put me in ice skates because I’d kill myself. He knows.)

Unfortunately, Ashley R. ran off to a different state for Christmas break from school so I’m all on my own for 28 days-ish, which is bad because I have commitment issues with working out –especially at the gym.

Instead of going to the gym and sucking it up like I should, I plan on doing Insanity and P90X. NOT AT THE SAME TIME. I’m not crazy. I’m going to do Insanity until we get P90X back from a friend (who I’m sure already bought his own P90X). Moving things around when moving means stuff disappears forever.

Here is my plan:

  1. One month – Insanity
  2. Three months – P90X
  3. Two months – Insanity
  4. Kill myself

That’s six months of solid exercise, and then death. Now, I just have to convince myself that six months of solid eating right is also worth it. I don’t know how well that’s going to work. I wish I grew up eating Mediterranean.

Since I have no idea if you know anything about P90X or the hell that is Insanity, I found some reviews and information.

P90X, according to DietsinReview.com, is the most popular workout series by Beachbody. This I do not understand. I’ve tried to do P90X, and Tony is annoying. During Yoga X, which is really the only thing I ever want to do, he just keeps talking and talking and talking. Thankfully, with this series, you can turn Tony off except for cues. AWESOME!

DIR said the unique feature behind P90X is “muscle confusion,” which accelerates the results process by constantly introducing new moves and routines, so your body never plateaus, and you never get bored. Bored is not the problem I have with exercise. Hate is.

And the pros are: (1) P90X can help to get in you shape, (2) can help to lose weight and (3) also includes a nutrition program (which is expensive).
The only con, aside from the cost and how irritating Tony is, is how extreme the workouts are. But, I know from experience, they give you modified moves to do (even in the yoga DVD) if you can’t keep up with them.

Insanity does not do this. Insanity is hell on steroids designed to torture your mind, body and soul. Only one of those things does you any good! I am biased against Insanity because I did it for almost four months and nothing happened. After the first two months, I started to give up and working out became a pariah in my mind. Insanity ruined me for exercise, but I’ll show it and its really fit personal trainer Shaun T. (and the little girls he has bouncing around and doing stuff I want to do… I suck at this comparison thing).

DIR said Insanity features plyometric drills on top of nonstop intervals of strength, power, resistance and ab and core training moves, which I could never do the same day as another DVD. My body just said, “no.” Every DVD workout is built on Shaun T.’s MAX Interval training program, which keeps you constantly challenged as you alternate between aerobic and anaerobic intervals.

So many pros: (1) Program includes a variety of workout DVD, (2) workouts will burn calories as well as tone and shape your body, (3) no gym membership or exercise equipment is needed, (4)  also includes a nutrition plan and (5) Shaun T. is an enthusiastic and popular fitness professional, which is true. He is really enthusiastic. Yay. Cons? Oh, I don’t know, you might die.


Insanity's Plyo DVD will eat your soul
This is me, after doing plyo, on Insanity. I had no soul.

Notice the pink? Yeah, I’m not usually that color. This is why after six months of solid exercise, I will die. I know it. Wish me luck?