A fiasco is the only word in existence to properly describe the things that happened in my kitchen this morning.
It began a little like this.
*beep beep beep*
Yep! I got up on the right side of the bed still tired with a stuffy nose. Of course, a cup of coffee and a hot shower fixed me right up. To the kitchen I went.
The kitchen – where horrible atrocities of the culinary variety occurred – was clean and sanitized from a good scrubbing the night before. My ingredients were easily found and ready for me. It was going to be an adventure! I usually like adventures (apparently not of the culinary variety… more of the travel kind…).
I mixed up the ingredients for my corn fritters (those little corn nuggets of glory) and began to heat the oil. Then, something wasn’t right… Something was very wrong.
No, I’m just kidding! Joking! Ha ha! However, if I ever do set fire to my stove (again), I’ll let you know.
The thing that went very wrong with my fritters was that they did not hold. The batter was more like pancake batter – like I had mixed Bisquick and was planning on dumping it into a half-inch of oil. Not a good idea. (You’re going to roll over and cut your bits off. -Eddie Izzard)
So the soup that was my corn fritter batter was transformed by the addition of so much flour that the end result, which Husband figured out, tasted a lot like corn-flavored funnel cake (and was not very good).
While Husband was successfully frying the nasty fritters, I ran to the store to find ANYTHING else worthy off a mash-up Christmas dinner. Okra? All right.
When I got home and decided that the fritters were for the garbage disposal (Ivan ate one… gross…), we fried up the okra in the preprepared oil because it was already hot, and we were running out of time. Not a good idea. Not sure if the oil was too hot or too something, but we ended our okra attempt with some very crunchy okra. Blech!
After two disturbing attempts at creating a masterpiece of culinary glory worthy of Kitchen Stadium (heh… kidding…), Husband and I decided, what the heck, Chinese food.
I ordered a Party Platter of fried rice from Great Wall. They didn’t understand – obviously – that I only needed to serve about 10 people with this rice. I could feed a friggin’ army of growing football players and two dogs with the some 15 pounds of rice these people made for me.
So much rice… I left it in the car until we left for Christmas in Newton. Still warm under its own mass.
I know I should have taken pictures, but my recipes were so confusing and all over the place that I couldn’t decide what to do. It was a travesty of many, I’m sure. However, if I ever speak of frittering something again, stop me. Scream at me. Yell and kick and convince me that, no, I don’t know what I’m doing and should just stop.
Fritters are bad for your heart any way, as is anything fried in oil (even if it was a soy/canola blend).
In other news… I GOT NEW DISH TOWELS. SWEET!