My name is Shae. I’m 22, married with two children (one German Shepherd dog named Ivan and one club-footed kitty named Hobbes) and am currently getting my Master’s of Communication at Wichita State University.
Did I mention… college made me fat? Well, that’s important.
Of course, I am not really fat. I just have fat, which is different enough, I guess. According to seven different measurement scales, I’m overweight, which is depressing, and I want to fix it. I have spent the last three months working on “fixing my fat.” Two months before the last three months, I did an exercise program called Insanity by Beachbody. AND before that I did yoga almost every day and took a Pilates and a Core class three times a week.
And I still haven’t lost any weight.
If you’ve been counting, which isn’t possible because I didn’t give you the proper amount of numbers, it has been one whole year of working out, forgetting how to eat real food and explosive… well, fiber sucks. ONE. WHOLE. YEAR.
Could you tell I’m frustrated?
After spending too much money, too much time and too much energy on hating myself, I stopped caring, which could be worse, I don’t know (I just don’t wear make-up or do my hair anymore… ever). All that hating myself was really taking a toll on me and my husband and our marriage –he couldn’t take it anymore and neither could I.
After a particularly serious meltdown the morning before I had to go teach (it was a childish fit), I got really depressed and really annoyed with everything I did. I avoided mirrors. Instead of facing my problems like a big girl, I got all pissy and bitchy and negative, which didn’t please the husband. But, now, I am no longer Negative Nancy! I am no longer Depressing Darcy or Downer Donna (there are so many more of these because my husband and I are disgustingly sarcastic and condescending)! My piss-bitch-negative fit is OVER. Well, most days, but I am a woman and the moon keeps getting full (don’t think too hard about that one).
So instead of avoiding the mirror, I jump up and down naked in front of it and… smile???… about the parts of me that don’t suck. Currently, I like my face.
I said college made me fat, which is true, but it was more like high school kept me skinny. In high school I could eat whatever I wanted, and then go to soccer practice and not gain a pound. Soccer doesn’t exist in college –not for me anyway. Little did I know Twix bars really had that much of an effect on me.
Birth control had a pretty awesome effect on me, too. I have changed brands, dosages and types four different times. Every single time, I gained 15 pounds, which yeah most of it was water weight, but OH YEAH… some of it wasn’t and had fun clinging to my midsection. However, birth control was necessary; I have a wonky cycle (I really hope men aren’t reading this, or if they are, they’re gay).
So… a decrease in physical activity, increases in alcohol, hormones and Ramen Noodles and a serious aversion to gyms (which I’m over now, it’s cool) led me to my skinny-dom demise. I was never skinny… I just never had fat like I have fat now. I want my body back. This is a blog about reclaiming my skinny.